March 9th, 2018 (Story edited by Shawn Postma)
I am up to something. I’m publicly illuminating my shadows, and demonstrating a process of healing with an eye toward healing individuals and communities. I hope this work will inspire others to have the courage to face and heal unresolved wounds.
My musical “Shadows Illuminated, the Live Performance” contains lessons about courage, acceptance, and true commitment. It honors our humanity, while showing what becomes possible when we willingly embrace our shadows.
My story begins, like so many do, in a dysfunctional family. My parents divorced when I was four, bouncing my four siblings and I around from foster care, to one parent or another, or to being wards of the court. Feeling lost, unloved, and abandoned, I turned to drugs and alcohol at an early age. I was an outcast amongst peers, driving me further into isolation.
As I came into adulthood, I married and started a family. I struggled to make ends meet, but eventually toiled my way up from working fast-food jobs until I reached a pinnacle of career as a Policy Analyst at Microsoft Corporation, owning a home, fancy car, and earning over a $100k per year.
Despite my esteemed position, I was in despair. I lived in debt. My health was failing. My family was unhappy. And I hated my job.
Slowly, the illusion of freedom and happiness by pursuing the American Dream crumbled. No matter how hard I worked or how much I sacrificed, I found no hope in making a difference. I was trying to win a rigged game by playing within a structurally corrupt system.
I met a crossroad of life and death. Either I could continue along my downhill spiral, or I could leave it all behind, and step into a new life of possibility.
I chose the latter, and committed the last seven years to being in service to others and to spirit. No hooks, no weights and measures, just unconditional love. I knew if I wanted to create a better and more compassionate world, I must become that.
In June of 2018, I will reach a seven-year anniversary of my commitment. It has been quite a journey. I have self-published hundreds of nature images, five books, two spoken-word albums and a music album. I’ve traveled the world, connected thousands of people together through building community, and have aided many others in pursuing and achieving their dreams.
While at times my life has been rich and productive, it has also illuminated many shadows lurking within our society, as well as in my self.
I have seen people and communities become increasingly divided. I’ve witnessed widespread confusion, addiction, selfishness and suffering. I have faced starvation, loneliness, depression, and been near death. It has grown increasingly difficult for me, as my community has dwindled. I had relied upon community to encourage and support me along my path.
I needed to find a solution to the mounting challenges. My life depended on it.
What happened next transformed me. I realized a possible contribution I was empowered to make. I could demonstrate the courage of exploring and embracing my own shadows, in public. I could lead others in becoming whole and illuminate what possibilities the process might open.
I settled further into solitude to face my feelings and let my shadows reveal themselves. My loneliness and sense of isolation heightened over recent holidays, where I grappled with a world that appeared to have forgotten me, while others enjoyed good food, gift giving, and quality time with loved ones. I struggled to cope with difficult thoughts and emotions. Old patterns of feeling unloved and abandoned surfaced. Years of being in service didn’t seem to matter.
As I sought ways to share my experience, I considered song lyrics I had written. I became fear struck. I was not a musician, I couldn’t even sing, and I was barely an amateur on any musical instruments.
I asked myself why I believed these things, realizing they weren’t true. My belief was based in a childhood memory of my mother and siblings laughing at my singing. Since then I rarely sang, a false limitation had taken song from my life. In truth, I needn’t sound like others to sing. So I shed the self-imposed limitations and created a music album.
Once the album was complete, it seemed as though I had given birth. I felt expansive and treasured the outcome as a personal masterpiece. I had transcended my limitations and ended up creating the album in two weeks.
Embracing my shadows had empowered me to transform. I was able to accept myself fully and to realize my hidden potential. Shadows Illuminated is an attempt to shake things up, lead by example, and to demonstrate courage in action.
I hope that you will join me at Shadows Illuminated, the Live Performance and experience a journey that will illuminate what is possible for you!
You can also follow the Facebook page or check out my website, where I will be announcing future Shadows Illuminated live performances.
Lastly, be sure to check out some of my other work, for further support you in your own healing and transformation.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CedarBranches/
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